She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
