Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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