He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
