You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
