i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
