you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
