My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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