no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
