my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
