it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
