How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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