I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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