I just made out with a guy for $7.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your cock deserves a montage
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
