If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize