I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
