this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
