There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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