Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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