This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
