I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
