Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
