Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
and i looked up. we had an audience...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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