Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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