Are we in a gay sports bar?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just threw up on my dentist
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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