My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
