I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize