dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
