Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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