In the future we'll all be gay
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
