Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
