What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
