we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
