I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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