My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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