i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
