Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
