Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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