I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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