So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
