i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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