The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
