He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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