No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
