My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
