I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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