yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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