Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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