I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize