what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
