woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
