Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
