I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she peed on how many people?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
