On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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