Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
