Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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