dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
