Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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