At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
