Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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