I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
