I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
