Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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