Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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