my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
