idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
