just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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