just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
