went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
