I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
