Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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